Currently Listening U2 - The Best of 1990-2000 By U2 One see related

The Times and Trials of Northern Ireland

the last two weeks i have been in Whitehaven, England.  Whitehaven, which is the town that George Washington's family is from, is an absolutely gourgeous coastal town off the Irish Sea. In the Evening, to sun sets over it.  We worked with a local congregation.  It took me completely by surprise, because this is one of the healthiest churches I think I have seen.  And there it was in the middle of Nowhere, England.  I was adopted by my host family, and older couple named Dot and Geoff.  To paint a picture of what the church was like, last Saturday for Megan Smith's bday, the entire church through a surprise birthday party for her, with food, cake, gifts, and everything.  This is for a girl they hadn't even known exept for 2 weeks.

two odd god moments of the last two days:

Returning home, us three interns were given a few days off, and after putting in 50+ hours for the last two weeks, it was very appreciated. So Alex, Megan, and I booked a room in a hostel down in Dublin and stayed down there for a day and a half.  It was a blast.  Something we did a lot with our time was sit and read in the huge courtyard of St. Patrick's Cathedral.  The church whenever I would look at it seemed fake or computer annimated - like I was entering into Rivendell.  Sitting and reading in somewhat of an awe state of mind, I read Rob Bell's book and he was talking about the Jewish learning system.  Needless to say, it was an odd moment reading and witnessing two different time areas of my faith's history (both the good and ugly).

Where I am at in Ireland is beautiful.  We are right off the Irish Sea, with a tide that comes in and out two times a day.  Off the coast is a desert looking area where wild ponies and bison-looking cows.  To the far right is the fells area with the largest mountain in N.I. (which I climbed already).  Right next to the desert looking area off the coast is a rainforest looking area with beautiful flowers of all colo(u)rs.  Due to the tide, the water remains very shallow, which means you can walk a far way out. I was out there this morning because the tide was going out and so different parts further out was becoming dry sooner than off the beach. So I was enjoying the full experience. Where I am at off the beach is a less used part of the beach because the town of Newcastle is far by about a mile or so.These two girls about my age (they seemed American) came by and started to enjoy themselves where I was.  I think their plan was to tan without any strap marks (if you get my drift - a la nude), and I do not think my presence was going to stop them.  Well, other older folks saved the experience, and they soon after left.  Whether you are dating someone or not, that is a distracting experience.  And as I sat there afterward, God was showing me all his beauty and how I was almost choosing to miss it for sin.

life is somewhat a depressing spiral - actually i wouldn't even consider it a spiral as much as a circle.  because it is not like i am working through issues never to face them again.  no, i face the same problems in my life situations and character that i have faced all my life and will face from no and beyond. 

i have found myself at times not even desiring to get to know people. it is not that i don't have the gift of hospitality, but it is more of an apathy - like i don't care.  that is a scary feeling of not caring - of not having energy to love my neighbor.

i don't know why i am writing this, hmmmm.  so i have had hours to my self in a lonely room at night in a mansion in northern ireland. sweet.  friday i am going to a rugby match. sweet.

and yes jeff, this is the xanga revalution!!!!!!!!!!

Currently Watching Three Amigos! By Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Martin Short see related

About two weeks ago I was in my sanctuary (also known as the forest preserve across from Judson High), when I was faced with a dilemma. I cannot say this common enemy that I faced that day was by any means a new enemy, for I have faced it many times before. This enemy is myself. This enemy is my mind. This enemy is my ideals. So I will share what I wrote that brisk afternoon.

Here I am, with a pen and paper hoping to scribble out something creative to make myself feel better. I believe you are real, but at the same time I continually create a god myself, hoping to please it or fool it into accepting me. I am my own god.

So now I write to my own Create-A-God. Which ultimately means I am writing to myself; hoping to please myself, and find myself clever. All the while loosing hope in my abilities.

So how do I actively come towards a God that I do not create? Do I have much to say to a God that is not here so I may feel good? Yesterday I talked to my friend from Caribou who told me she hasn’t found a church that fits her belief that Jesus isn’t the only way. Now, I do not think I take it that far, but some times I feel as if I connect with God for the feelings it gives. Narcissism.

How do I go about making my life about you? I think it is clear that it starts by getting to know you. But there is the problem.  How do I come to you without bringing my own ideas of selfishness of you with it? Maybe why the discipline of silence has been so difficult for me is because I have no control of what I desire you to look like.

Currently Reading Theological Dictionary of the New Testament (Theological Dictionary of the New Testament) see related

Tonight made me ponder. It made me ponder what I used to write about on this here xanga. Willow really used to take up most of my words on this here site.  Oh Willow and its inherent evils.

Last year, when leaving the church and volunteering at another small congregation in the ritzy St. Charles, I experienced a split. I was physically in St. Charles, but in heart and spirit didn’t let go of da Creek.  This year it is completely different. I do not know what it is, really. The summer at camp? My new internship at West Ridge Community Church? All I can say is my heart is no longer there. Willow is an institution that I associate with in many ways, but I have officially disconnected from it. How freeing. I do not care anymore. Their vision is still mine. Their means completing of it are not.

So I come, realizing I have nothing better to say. When I don’t have something to bitch about, what is left of Christopher Andrew Stewart? Oh many things. I need to learn to communicate those. Tonight I had the opportunity to open up to Paul and Kevin—neither which happen enough. Last night, I talked with Jeff for over an hour. Who knows when that will happen again. I've seen God moving in me in spite of the drought of academia. Plus, look at this foxxy young lady.